Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
