If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
