I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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