My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize