After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
