Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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