wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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