I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
do herpes really smell.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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