lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
