I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
