I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
