You made me cry and you don't even care
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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