Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
