It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
