we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
