You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
