i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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