i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
