Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
