oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
