yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize