Banned from zoo.
Again?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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