she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
All I want is dick and wine.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
