Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
