I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
