I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
