Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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