shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
