And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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