i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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