he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
