Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
