The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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