your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
