I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
