Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
