guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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