Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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