Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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