she looked like the before picture.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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