My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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