My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
