Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
