Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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