How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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