I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
