I just threw up on my dentist
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
