i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
