2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
