The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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