I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
