chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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