is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
