I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
