so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
