Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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