you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
