I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This is my gift to your gina
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
