I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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