Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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