After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
