I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
