so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
