Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
