Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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