It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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