oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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