Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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