11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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