Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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