I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
