Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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