The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
