You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
