i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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